What happens when you don’t ask anyone


If you are a major over-thinker, this is for you. If you feel like you need others approval for basically everything, this is for you. If you can’t decide anything ever, this is also for you. I and some of you with me have tried an interesting challenge this past week, making our and only OUR decisions for whole week. I was so surprised how many of you found this helpful or just went on board because you know this troubles you as well. And I was utterly shocked about how much I ask for approval of other all the time. I will definitely continue next week and these are which could help you if you struggle with making your own decisions as well.

The point of the challenge is fairly simple. I learnt it from the Podcast Over it and On with it with Christine Hassler (which is such a help if you like sort of “self-therapy” kind of stuff, it gave me so much while suffering with depression, let me know if you want me to talk about it more) and it goes like this: Try to make your own decisions for one week and see what happens. Don’t ask for anyones permission, don’t ask anyone for their opinion, don’t ask for approval, just do what your guts tell you. As I love to say, you gotta risk it to get a biscuit. And it doesn’t have to mean buying new house, okay, I am talking about the most basic decisions like what t-shirt to wear or what to have for breakfast. So what did I learn after first week?

Let me start with telling you something about me. Have you ever heart of Gretchen Rubins Four Tendencies? She divides people into four group based on how to you react to outer and inner expectations. I am a Questioner with a Rebel tendency. Meaning that I am a sucker for information, do never ending research before I get into something and suffer with never ending FOBO (Fear Of Better Option, yes, it is a thing). And if I don’t find any strong reason for doing something, anything, you find me not engaged what so ever. So more I doubt myself and what I do more I ask others what should I do. And it al become an evil circle because they of course often answer “wrong” and I doubt myself even more. How to get out of it? Don’t ask! Just don’t do it. I feel like I gained much more confidence this week just trying to do everything myself. Not consulting my decisions, my work, just going for it. Because at the end of the day you often find out you just can do it and it feel great.

I ask a lot of people a lot of questions. Sometimes when I am not sure about my photo to post on Instagram, I send it to all my Insta friends and ask which do they think is better. Before I shaved my head I asked possibly every person I could reach, offline and online. But when you really think about it, what does it even matter what they think? When I shake of all my insecurities and doubts for the second, asking someone about what sweater to buy just sound so silly! Even the closest people to you and people who know you the best will always somehow project their wishes on you, so they will recommend the solution which they think is the best for you based on their vision of you. And we all know that disappointing feeling after someone “chooses” wrong for us. “I though he knows me so how could he say green one?”. And it makes my self-doubt worse and worse because it feel like people don’t get me at all. 

So during this week trying not to ask for anyones opinion or permission I realised how annoyed I am at myself. I know that different life events made me who I am right now but I also know I have never been that kind of person who would ask for anyones permission or even cared. I was always wearing crazy stuff and was so confident it what I did and just did my think. I was brave and just did everything I wanted and didn’t care if people like it or not. I was myself and that was my biggest strength. I realised that I still have a way into finding my real, strong self. I am being honest and opened with you and you can see yourself that I am changing every day. You can tell in my photography that I am finding my true style through trying different things. Just scroll back through last couple of months and you will surely see the change.

I managed to buy myself a craft supplies and not asking for any permission to take my time to do useless things. I also finally ordered a sweater I was trying to choose for almost two months. I also posted all the pictures as I loved them and didn’t think about anyone else, just posted for myself. Is that enough? Definitely! I felt sick in my stomach making some of those decisions without approval.   

What’s next?

I will definitely continue. What could be really helpful if you want to join is to journal. How you feel about the decisions, what did it meant, if your anxiety comes or not. I will definitely do that as a challenge continue. I also want to take my destiny more into my hands, I want to make even more decisions based on how I feel about it and create opportunities I have been sort of waiting for until now, waiting for other to approve what I do. I am not willing to wait until I am ready anymore because that will be, well, never. I will keep you update in my posts! Thank you for all your support lovely people.



Author: herinternest

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